Hilda Valentine Goneril (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
indolentaxe) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
digitizedsouls2021-09-17 08:35 pm
indolentaxe) wrote in digitizedsouls2021-09-17 08:35 pm
Entry tags:
(psl) we all got secrets, so are you gonna keep it
Everybody’s got something they're hiding
And the best secrets are the ones you don’t keep
no subject
It takes her a moment and a sip of wine to collect herself, but she stands her ground.]
Circumstances have changed.
[Desperate times, and all that.]
The way that I see it, not that much has to change between us. We'd have a fancy ceremony, make things official, and go back to behaving like we always have. I don't think anyone would question it if we don't hang on each other's every word or act like we're the most romantic couple in the world. Our respective reputations will see to that.
[Hers as a free spirit, and his as the dashingly eccentric captain. Not to mention the reputation of their current relationship, which townsfolk generally perceive as close despite their pointed emotional distance. They get along well, and there has always been chemistry between them. That fact alone can take them far.]
And, of course, we'd make sure to have places we can retreat to when we're sick of each other's company. No need to start sharing a room or anything like that. I happen to like having one to myself.
[If it isn't obvious from the way she's able to quickly and easily provide these contingencies, she's given plenty of thought of how best to maintain the distance between them even under the auspices of marriage. Maintaining that illusion is just as important to her as it is to him.]
I don't want a husband, Kaeya. I need a co-conspirator. And you're the best one I know.
no subject
Desperate times, and all that.
Still, something in Kaeya decries the mere idea of marriage. A cold, heartbroken and lonely thing that crawls up from the darkest depths of his heart and tells him he shouldn’t do this. Can’t do this. He doesn’t deserve it.
Doesn’t deserve what? Another part of him is quick to counter. A “marriage” built on necessity and lies. A loveless farce. That’s precisely the one thing he does deserve.
Kaeya is quiet for far too long, his eye pointed anywhere but Hilda’s face while he wrestles with old hurts that have no place in this conversation, and wonders why they’ve chosen now of all time to show themselves. ]
I’m flattered you think so highly of me.
[ He doesn’t sound it. He’s long dropped his breezy pretense - a first in their relationship, to be sure, though the reasons for it feel so very wrong. At last, his gaze flicks back up to her. ]
How long do you have?
[ This isn’t a decision he can make lightly, let alone right now. ]
no subject
It's time to take a step back.]
Not long, but it's not like he's showing up in Mondstadt tomorrow to drag me off.
[She takes her nearly-full glass of wine and finishes it in one go. It's not the classiest move, but like hell if she's going to waste it. And if she has to be truly honest, her nerves are still shot--moreso, perhaps, knowing that she's going to have to wait for an answer.]
Take a few days to think about it. You know how to find me.
[With that, and a smile that is in contrast to how she's actually feeling, she makes her retreat, first going to the bar to pay their tab and then disappearing out into the night.
It's in his hands now; she's made her argument and has to wait and see if she's managed to convince him. While part of her hopes that he'll come around, she realizes she needs to start working on plans B and C in the meantime.
Just in case.]
no subject
For the next few days, he avoids Hilda altogether - which is surprisingly not hard to do. He suspects she’s likely giving him space to get his thoughts together. His own insecurities, however, are not so kind. He anguishes over this choice at all hours of the day, and just when he thinks he’s talked himself into one answer or another, some other possibility springs to mind that ruins the whole thing. All of it boils down to one simple fact: he doesn’t want to lose her, and the only way he can see that not happening is if they continue on exactly as they have been.
Because if he lets her go, he’ll lose her for sure. But if he lets her too close, then who’s to say she won’t abandon him should she chance upon the terrible truth?
He supposes this is what he gets for thinking he could chase even a mote of happiness.
It’s a long and tortuous few days, with Kaeya talking himself in and out of the arrangement at every turn. In the end, after an especially deep dive into a bottle of wine pilfered from the Angel’s Share, he decides, fuck it. If the best he can possibly do is keep her around for a little while longer to feed his own selfish desires, then might as well go all-in, right?
That’s what he is at the end of the day: a selfish, horrible, broken creature. This isn’t about love or attachment. It’s about filling a need. He’s doing himself a favor with this just as much as he is her.
You know how to find me.
He sure does. If he’s going to do this, he’s going to do it in only the way that Kaeya Alberich can, and in the process, give the town gossips something to really talk about.
So, when he catches Hilda doing errands around town, it’s with a ring in his pocket and the glint of conspiracy in his eye. He slides up to her, looping their arms together, as if the weird tension of days before was long forgotten - and perhaps it is. It must be, because that’s what he keeps telling himself. ]
I hope I’m not interrupting.
no subject
(Despite warnings from several high-ranking people in Mondstadt, Hilda has a pleasant relationship with several of the Fatui diplomats in the city. Sure, their leader sounds absolutely insane, and their methods are kind of evil, but many of them are actually pretty decent people as far as she's concerned. There's a pair of them that she exchanges gossip with whenever she catches them hanging out near the central plaza of the city.
Besides, she's supposed to be a diplomatic envoy to all of Teyvat, not just the parts that Mondstadters like.)
Aside from diplomatic work, Hilda busies herself with contigency plans. Any of the Knights of Favonious could work, although the higher in rank the more likely Holst is to accept it without question. Jean could probably be convinced, eager to assist anyone and everyone as she is, although Hilda would also have to make the much more difficult case to a certain librarian. As such, she puts that option down as a last resort and leaves it there.
Eula is out because Hilda just finds her a headache to interact with. It's too much like talking to Lorenz back when he was an uppity ass. At least Eula generally means well, and Amber has a way of tempering her further with her very presence. Even if she didn't have her reservations about Eula specifically, Hilda doesn't have the heart to insert herself between them. She hopes they figure out how much they're into each other someday.
Hilda has never actually met the Knights' Chief Alchemist, Albedo, but he spends a lot of time in Dragonspine and she heard that he eats spiders. No thanks on both counts.
All this to say... her planning isn't going well.
And if she has to be honest with herself, Kaeya isn't her first choice only because he's convenient. She likes him a great deal more than she knows she should, and she's just as loathe to give up what they have as he is. If she has to marry him to keep it, then so be it. But it's out of her hands entirely, and that is slowly driving her a bit crazy.
-
The next time she sees him, he approaches her as if nothing has changed--a move that immediately has her suspicious. But instead of interrogating it, she responds with a flirtatious smile when he twines his arm with hers. Regardless of his answer, it's clear that they're back to the games they always play while they're in public like this.
Somehow, the lying feels like a breath of fresh air. A weight lifts from her shoulders, and the tension of their last conversation is pointedly pushed far from her mind.]
You are, but I think I can find it in my heart to forgive you for it.
no subject
[ Even as the air between them seems to clear while they fall back into old habits, something like nervousness buzzes in his stomach. He’s definitely not used to that. No matter the situation, Kaeya does not get nervous. This is likely a sign of just how far out of his comfort zone he’s about to step, but his mind is made up.
He cannot think about this more than he already has, or he’ll never go through with it. ]
Care to take a walk by the fountain with me?
[ Oh, he’s definitely up to something. He’d wink at her to suggest as much, but… you know. ]
no subject
I would love to take a walk with you. Responsibility can wait.
[The clearing of the air between them is equal parts a relief and a lie. He's up to something, and there's no way for Hilda to know what he's planning--and no way for her to ask him, given the very public nature of their meeting. She has no choice but to go along with him, and that's a level of trust she's not used to giving him. Part of her supposes she deserves to be thrown off like this, given the bombshell she dropped on him a few days prior.
Even with all of the inner nervousness, she doesn't miss a beat with him. She'd be a poor schemer after all these years if she dropped the act now.]
Lead the way, my dearest Kaeya.
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[ He doesn’t hurry them to the fountain – the route they take is winding and leisurely, and he takes that time to engage in conversation with her like he hasn’t been avoiding her for the last several days. It’s nice, in its way, but there is still something lurking under the surface. An air of uncertainty that someone could only spot if they knew them just as well as they know each other.
Kaeya can think of only one other person who might fit that description, and his erstwhile brother isn’t here right now. Good. Diluc would ruin the whole thing, anyway.
Once they reach the square, they find it’s quite crowded. It is a lovely day, after all, and the citizens of Mondstadt are all out and about on various errands and other business. Kaeya guides Hilda to the fountain, all the while keeping up their casual banter. All the while trying not to think about what a huge mistake he’s about to make. ]
Have I ever told you how happy I am that you decided to come to Mondstadt?
no subject
Hilda often wonders what her friends back in Fódlan would think of of the people here in Mondstadt. To that effect, she’s almost positive that Claude wouldn’t like Kaeya. They’re too alike, and Claude would see Kaeya’s icy edges and secretive nature for what they are: warning signs.
Hilda isn’t blind to them, or course. She’s just pointedly not heeding them.
The question Kaeya poses at the fountain gets her to raise her eyebrows slightly. That sounds like it could be a lead-in for… no, that can’t be it. Can it?]
I mean, not directly. But I choose to believe that’s what you mean when you buy me drinks and say I’m pretty.
[Her role in this is to keep playing herself, and so she will continue to do so even as she starts silently piecing things together.]